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So I have been sculpting a lot. It is good. I have a lot going on in that department actually. I have tried to post some updates on flicker. My name there is myrretah also, so find me if you want to see some of what I am doing. It is mostly doll stuff. I have Tiamet posted up there. Once I get some clothes that I like completed for her, I will take some shots to post here too, but right now I just have cell phone pics of her to show my progress on how her appearance came out because I was quite proud of her. She is a doll that I bought, not one I sculpted from scratch. On that front though, I have both Cain and Sera started. Cain will be about 72cm when he is done and Sera will be just over 60cm or so. Each of their faces are so different. I have them sitting here next to me in my work area. I have lacked the confidence to create a body for either of them so I just started on a 40cm body so I would have something to test joint structures and basic engineering on. It is both exciting and daunting, as always. I am learning so much from it. It is so much easier for me to draw things now that I am also working three dimensionally. I can see things more clearly in my mind before I start, and am able to grasp spacing and general concept much easier. Soon I will post some of my speed sketch stuff. I have been testing myself by allowing myself no more than 10 minutes per on some fan art stuff. We'll see how it ends up, LOL. I just started doing it.

There is one other reason why I have decided to make the smaller doll. It is for my mother. She was just diagnosed with breast cancer. It has been a lot harder for me to deal with than I am really letting on. My stepfather is utterly useless and is in a state of denial which has left her to fend for herself right before her surgery. I feel like I am the only one who is there, like I am her legs, and I am terrified that I am no more than a wobbly stool. She needs me to be strong and take care of her which I can do... but at the same time it has sorta made me smell pavement (Smell pavement: when you get hit in the face or head so hard that you are stunned and smell soil or tar, even if it is not in your immediate environment, usually the result of a broken nose or bone fracture and a sudden rush of blood). I feel like I have to show her what I can do. I feel like I am capable of much more than I am putting out. I need to finish my novel (I am on page 180) and I need to continue on Am I Immortal (I just finished book 16 for writing and have two pages to ink on book 4). I want her to see my dolls, hold them in her hands. She is the only person, aside from myself, that I truly feel I HAVE to prove myself to. I am alive and have some semblance of sanity because, for so many years, she somehow had faith that if she looked into my room every morning, I would still be breathing and she made me promise that she was supposed to die first. I want to prove that I was worth saving.

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